goodbye
by Blondie B. Happy
Summary: He's giving up—on the quest, on his "friends", on accepting himself, but mostly, on the green-eyed Percy Jackson. One-shot.


***House of Hades spoilers* So, I wanted to write a sad, depressing Nico one-shot. . . the BEAUTIFUL song used is Say Something by A Great Big World. I think of Nico/Percy when I hear it. Sorry for typos. Takes place at the end of House of Hades. Enjoy!**

* * *

He was always alone.

Everyone who could've helped him, those he loved, those who accepted him for who he was. . . they were all dead or long gone now. He wanted to say something to the guy with those huge green eyes and perfect black hair, but he was hopeless.

Nico wasn't sure how to tell Percy how he actually felt, because it wasn't like he could just walked up to him. Percy was always busy, and he was always busy with. . . her. Annabeth. Part of Nico hated both of them with a passion. Why wasn't he allowed to have a happy ending like the rest of them?

Jason sat with Piper, their hands intertwined. He was smiling down at her as he kissed the top of her head. She snuggled into the crook of his neck and they talked in hushed tones, as if afraid that the wind would hear their conversation.

Frank and Hazel stood at the front of the ship, laughing. The smiles on their faces were huge. Hazel nudged at Frank shoulder and then he enveloped her in a big bear hug. She was smothered in his arms and a gleeful sound radiated across the deck.

He was happy for his sister, but it still pained him to see her so happy. And it sickened him that he felt like that.

Even Leo had someone. She wasn't with them on the ship, but he could tell how sad he was. It was that sadness that came from heartbreak, from being away from the one you loved. Nico could relate. He felt like that on most days.

And then, they were there.

* * *

_Say something, I'm giving up on you. I'll be the one, if you want me to. Anywhere, I would've followed you. Say something, I'm giving up on you._

* * *

Percy and Annabeth were just kissing a few feet away from him. Anger surged through him, followed by that loneliness that was always there. It suffocated him. It strangled him. It blinded him. His hands clenched and unclenched to no avail. He ran a hand through his hair.

They still hadn't stopped kissing. He was going to be sick or lose it. Yes, it was great that they were back from Tartarus, but that was all they talked about on the boat. They never talked about how he had done it all by himself.

He'd used people like Percy as his motives for surviving. While he had been in the depths of hell, he'd imagined Percy egging him on like he used to. Percy had been one of the things that had kept him alive down there. He shivered.

But Percy was running his hands all over his _girlfriend_ right now.

* * *

_And I am feeling so small. It was over my head, I know nothing at all._

* * *

What he couldn't stand more than anything were the looks from those who knew.

Jason noticed Nico staring at Percy and Annabeth, and he shot him a sympathetic look. As if Nico were nothing more than a kicked puppy. A baby that a mother had dropped. A wetness gathered behind Nico's eyes, but he would not show weakness. He couldn't be a coward. Not in front of him.

The son of Jupiter thought that he could help, but he was wrong. He wasn't like Nico.

Nico would never be accepted. His feelings were only half of the factor. He was a son of Hades, and he carried misery and death with him wherever he went. It trailed in his wake. The other demigods shied away from him when he walked by. He was like a disease that there was no cure for.

* * *

_And I will stumble and fall. I'm still learning to love, just starting to crawl._

* * *

They needed someone to go with Reyna to Camp Half-Blood. Nico volunteered.

He was the only demigod that wasn't needed for any reason. He wasn't one of the Seven of Prophecy. He was the outlier of the equation, the one that they could all do without. But he had to get away from them.

Running. It was all he had ever done, but it worked. He couldn't stay in one area for a long time. He didn't want to grow attached to a person, only to have them brutally murdered like his mother and Bianca.

And this way, he wouldn't have to be near Percy and Annabeth.

* * *

_Say something, I'm giving up on you. I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you. Anywhere, I would've followed you. Say something, I'm giving up on you._

* * *

He didn't want Percy's gratitude for indirect help. He wanted other things from him, things he would never be able to give.

Never ever. Not in a million years.

* * *

_And I will swallow my pride. You're the one that I love and I'm saying goodbye._

* * *

He just wanted to be able to feel peace.

Heissuffocatedconstantlynevertofindanysortofrelief . Hebegsandbegsandbegsforittostop. Thereisonlyunrelentingpain. Knivesinthegut. Skeletonsinthecloset.

He wanted relief and h-e-w-a-n-t-s-t-o-b-r-e-a-t-h-e

E-s-c-a-p-e

S-e-r-e-n-i-t-y

He wanted to feel.

L-o-v-e

A-c-c-e-p-t-a-n-c-e

Something besides loneliness. Anything but hate. No more tragedy.

* * *

_Say something, I'm giving up on you. And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you. And anywhere, I would have followed you. Oh say something, I'm giving up on you._

* * *

He turned his back on Percy. There was nothing else that he could do. Percy had never been his in the first place, but he would forever be haunted by the memories of Percy.

Percy at the school, saving him and Bianca from the Manticore. He had never thought that anything good would come to his life, but then his savior had dropped in. It was a gift.

Percy at Camp, telling him that his sister had died. He'd felt betrayed, but he still hadn't been able to kill Percy, because why? He knew, but he wouldn't admit it. That was one of his secrets that he kept under lock and key.

Percy. Always Percy.

But now he was facing away from Percy. The darkness was closing in on him.

* * *

_Say something, I'm giving up on you. Say something. . . _

* * *

Goodbye.


End file.
